i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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