i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
