What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
