I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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