OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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