why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
