I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
