let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
