Taylor Swift is so right about you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
that is very illegal...i love you.
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