She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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