she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
