we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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