Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
