Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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