I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
