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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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