everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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