My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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