Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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