Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
