I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize