You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
