we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize