I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
