I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
