Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
