wrigley field is MILF paradise
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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