I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
