You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
