so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
