How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Holy shit dude........stairs
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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