Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
