NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
