sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
