Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
