his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize