oh fat girl friday strikes again...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
