oh god the rape fog is back!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
try to milk me bitch
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
