so explain again why im purple
no
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
