Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We left the knife in your bed.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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