my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
