getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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