it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
