Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
