we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
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