You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
