Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
