I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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