Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
