drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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