Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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