this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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