I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
from now on my penis is your penis
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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