I wish I could punch you in the face.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
