The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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