if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
