Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
