I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
