It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize