The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
