can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
