He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
