Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
