The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
