Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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