she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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