We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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