everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
