I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
