I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
