so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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