im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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