I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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