I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
