Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
