don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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