You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
