I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
