whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
