Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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