New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
