Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize