stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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