Kiss
Puke
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
