So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
