I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
