i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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