I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
