I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
