tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize