last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
