im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
