Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
