The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
