I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
