he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
