Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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