Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
